Ride/Race Plans 2008

For the past several weeks, I've been getting a flurry of emails about MS150 training rides that are opening their online registration, and between that and the Leakey camp, I'm starting to get the event-planning bug.

So, without further ado, here's my planned list of events through June:

March 1 - Sam Houston Pedalfest gonna have to get a hall pass for this one since it's on a Saturday, but I'm really looking for the hilly rides this year.

March 9 - Continental Airlines Classic

March 15 - Tour de Houston I've never done this one, or ridden in downtown Houston. It'll be a nice change of pace.

March 22 - Urban Dare Austin Pending racing partner selection

April 6 - Space Race My pride demands that I do the real century course this year.

April 12-13 - BP MS150 I may be candy-assing it by staying at the Hyatt, but I'm gonna make up for it by taking the route through the park on the 2nd day. :)

(I have nothing planned for May because nothing looks interesting, but something may catch my eye between now and then)

June 8 - Danskin Triathlon Austin yes, triathlon. I figure this is a good one for my first time, since it's impossible to finish last AND they have swim angels.

June 22 - Urban Assault Ride Austin also pending a willing race partner. :P

After which I take the beastly-hot month of July off. Aaaand that's as far as I got in the planning. I really want to do the Bear Creek Duathlon again this year, but there's no information for this year's event yet. Ditto pretty much every ride/race in the latter half of the year, so i think planning through June is playing it safe. :)

Any recommendations for events I might have missed?

a long-overdue diet plan...also, talk of bikes and weddings

Those of you paying attention to the sidebar and weigh-in posts may have noticed that I haven't seen any significant weight loss for well over a year. Since this began as a weight-loss site, that fact is a bit embarrassing.

In that time, I have half-assed various solutions to the problem, but I haven't given anything my best effort. Truth is, I really, really wanted to lose weight with exercise alone. Month after month, I stubbornly refused to admit that my body just doesn't work that way...at least not with the exercise that I was doing and the food I was eating. All I've really proven is that I can maintain a 199 to 202-lb body weight from here to eternity. That is not really what I have in mind for the rest of my life.

So. It's back to South Beach for me. I haven't decided whether I'm going to do phase 1 or just skip straight to phase 2. Both have their advantages. I could use the psychological boost of the big initial loss in phase 1, but phase 2 is less of a shock to the system...basically how I'm eating now, only cleaner (a lot cleaner). Right now, I'm leaning toward a phase 1 start, since part of the reason I have made no progress in the past year is that I try to eeeease into things by throwing in all these conditions and modifications, and then get discouraged by my lackluster results before I work my way to a plan that actually, erm, works.

So, today is the first day, and it has been nearly phase-1 compliant. It would have been totally on-track, but I had a mishap with the eggs I was going to eat this morning. I cracked them, seasoned them, whisked them...then spilled them all over the counter as I bent to get the skillet from the cabinet. Since those were the last two eggs in my refrigerator (cue the tiny violins), I had cereal instead. But it was hot oat bran cereal! With 6 grams of fiber! Sigh.

In non-food related news, I'm calling the shop tomorrow for my bike build estimate. I probably could have called today, but he said to check back Monday or Tuesday. I don't want to rush him, especially considering that there's no chance that I'll be able to build before mid-September. The spirit is willing, but the wallet is weak. I spent far too much money while on vacation, and with my dad's wedding at the end of next month, the recreational/travel budget in August and September is stretched past the screaming point. Truth be told, I wouldn't have gone on vacation at all if I had thought about money beforehand, but really...who're we talking about here? Of course I didn't think about money beforehand. So now I'm trying to figure out how to get an extra $2k into my budget without selling my firstborn (I'm already selling the Pilot).

I'll work something out, though--worst case, I'll put off the bike build another month. I'm loathe to do that because of the duathlon, but chances are that I'm going to suck so hard on the running parts that a faster bike won't make a bit of difference in my overall standings anyway. Which, in case you were wondering, I predict will be somewhere around dead f---ing last. :)

Songs of the day (links removed):

Closer to Fine
If I Had a $1,000,000

Somehow, I feel like I've been down this way before...

After a brief but intense internal debate, I signed up for 3 months. Here we go again. :)

further proof that I am just making this up as I go

I have real trouble staying on track on the weekends. I know why this is--there are too many options, too many variables. My weekdays are very structured--I wake up at around the same time, pack the same stuff, leave at the same time, sit at the same desk all day. It's very easy to work a fitness routine into the rest of that. It's also easy to make a Rain Man-esque dependency on routine work in my favor.

Not so much on the weekends. Except for the spinning class-breakfast routine on Saturday and church on Sunday, there's not much structure to my weekend days. Sometimes I do laundry, sometimes I run errands, sometimes I nap. Next week, we're going out of town for our anniversary. Maybe because of this lack of structure, I find myself grazing all weekend. And then on Mondays, I find myself staring in horror at the number on the scale. This is usually followed closely by scale-kicking and grumbling.

So, this needs to change. In order to really get to goal, or even just out of the freakin' 180s, I need a food plan just as much on Saturday and Sunday as I do on Monday and Tuesday. I'm not really sure how I'm going to accomplish this without turning my weekends into absolute drudgery, but I'm sure I can work something out.

For now, I'm just going to add two things:

1. Bring my laptop home on weekends so I can stay consistent with the fitday logging throughout the weekend.

2. Post daily stats 7 days per week, instead of 4-5.

Even if it doesn't help me get things under control, it will give me a better idea of how badly my weekends impact my progress.

it's an experiment

I just finished the sculpting class about half an hour ago...when I got up to close my office door just now, I got stuck about halfway up. As in, my shuddering thigh muscles wouldn't lift me any further. I had to push with my hands on the armrests to get them to go the distance.

And here I was thinking the class was easier than usual, because we didn't do squats. I guess those few minutes of lunges did the job after all. Yikes. :)

I've been giving some thought to posting daily stats here. Nothing too intensive...I'm not going to post food/exercise logs, because those bore me even as I'm typing them. I generally give up on them mid-week anyway. However, I am beginning to think that posting a daily calorie count might be worthwhile, even just so that I can look back at the end of a week and see what my numbers looked like without having to search through different records.

So, here are the numbers I'm going to start to post here daily (and where they come from):

Calories eaten (fitday)
Carb/protein/fat % breakdown (fitday--I'm shooting for 40/30/30)
Water intake

Workout description
Workout time (HRM)
Time in target zone 120-170 bpm(HRM)
Average heart rate (HRM)
Calories burned (HRM)

I don't know how useful all this is going to be, so I may eliminate some of these daily stats over time. These are just the ones that I can get easily that seemed the most worthwhile to track. I'm going to try to make the stats the last post of the day, after I'm sure that I've eaten and worked out as much as I'm going to for the day. Right now, my stats look like this (if I stick to the meal plan for today, that is):

Calories eaten: 1488
Breakdown: 44/32/22
Water: 2L

Workout: sculpting class
Workout time: 0:29:47
In target zone: 0:06:59
Average HR: 114 bpm
Calories burned: 159

I'm planning another workout today, a long walk after work. I'd like to get 1.5-2 hours in, but I think it's going to be more like an hour, since Americ@n Id0l is on tonight and I want to get home in time for it. A girl's gotta have her priorities straight, after all. ;)

second verse, same as the first

Sheesh, a girl could get whiplash from all the sudden plan changes 'round here! You'd think that after over 2 years of this, I'd know what the hell I'm doing. But no. 111 weeks and counting, and I'm still grasping at straws and jumping to faulty conclusions over here. I think the only (sane) things I haven't tried are Atkins and good, old-fashioned giving up. Neither of which I plan to try anytime soon (No emails about how great Atkins is, please. It's not for me. Thanks anyway).

So. What's it going to be this time? I've used the calorie calculator, I've ridden the weight-watchers wagon to South Beach, I've gone to the Core, I've come back. I've shunned carbs and fat, I've embraced them. I've eaten too much, I've eaten too little. I've exercised once a week, I've exercised 7 times a week. I've been doing this so damned long that I don't remember what worked the best...and by "worked the best" I don't necessarily mean "lost the most weight". I can go back and look at the logs to see which plan had the best average results (but I haven't). I mean which plan was the best trade-off in the big 3 categories--expense, results, and simplicity.

There's an old joke about a mechanic who posted a sign saying "We're FAST, GOOD, and CHEAP: Pick 2 out of 3." I think chosing a plan is a lot like that for me, and probably for others, too. I can go with a plan like South Beach that's fairly cheap, has good results, but virtually eliminates convenience foods. Or I can go with something like Jenny Craig, which is all about the convenience, gives good results (I've heard), but is expensive. And then there's weight-watchers or calorie counting, which have reasonable expense and simplicity, but haven't been giving me any kind of results.

Well, no, that isn't really fair. If I followed the WW plan to the letter, I'm sure it would work. I just don't. It's not that I can't...it just seems to suck every ounce of joy out of my life when I try. Everything starts to be about food, and how I could totally eat that whole pint of ice cream if I could just live on zero-point veggies for the last 3 days of the week. You know?

The thing is, I know that this bouncing from plan to plan every few days isn't really doing me any favors, either. I've got my body so confused right now, it doesn't know whether to shit or go sailing. I need to pick something and stick with it for at least a month before I flush it and start something new. Either that, or just relax and eat like a normal person.

After much soul-searching, and taking into account the babyquest, the PCOS, and the budget, I've decided to go back to WW's Core plan for a while. A WHILE. Like, more than 2 days, less than a lifetime. Right now, I'm thinking till the end of March.

Why Core? Because it's less restrictive than South Beach, and has less potential for obsession than flex. I'm going to make some minor modifications to the Core list to fit better into my lifestyle (nuts and 1% dairy are okay), but other than that I'll use the program as designed. We eat most of our meals at home now, and I don't mind going to the grocery store a lot. The PCOS diet books all recommend avoiding the refined sugars and processed grains. I've been eating a lot of candy lately, too, so easing off the sugar is a good idea. Lunches are going to be a struggle, since Lean Cuisines are not Core foods. But I think I can work something out. I'm willing to give it a go, anyway.

And I'm not giving up on it till April, no matter what.

and now for something completely different...

...a post about how I'm going to lose the rest of this weight! Haven't seen one of these in a while. Reading the latest posts, you'd think this site was the "why can't I do this" diaries, instead of the workout diaries.

I suppose it's natural to get discouraged from time to time, but wallowing in that discouragement doesn't fix the problem any faster. However, in my case, neither does making a plan. So I have to come up with a way to dig myself out of the hole I'm in, but avoid derailing myself by calling it a "plan".

I thought long and hard (or at least long or hard) about what I was going to do. I'll spare you the thought process, which involved review of archives, flowcharts, small experiments, several drafts, and recalling a Bible verse out of context ("do what you did at first", part of Revelations 2:5). What I ended up with is that I lost the most weight most easily when I was exercising regularly and being borderline-obsessive about documenting everything I ate. I also did better with weekly weigh-ins and monthly goal reporting.

Duh.

So this is my Definitely-Not-A-Plan, in 3 parts:

1. Exercise every day. It can be a 20 minute walk, it can be an hour in the gym, it can be whatever. It CAN'T be sitting on the couch watching Cold Case Files until it's too late to do anything. It CAN'T be wasting time on the computer until I go blind and/or pass out.

Why not "5 times per week"? Because I'll never make it part of the routine if there are days when I don't have to do it. The procrastinator in me will always want to skip Mondays and Tuesdays because "there's still plenty of time to get 5 workouts in before Sunday". "Every day" eliminates wiggle room, and if I lay around like a slug all day Monday, I can't tell myself I'm still on plan.

2. Be honest with myself about what I eat. It's not so much that I have a problem with journalling food...I have a problem with honest and complete journalling. I hereby vow to document everything that goes into my mouth, painful as it is to admit some days. I'm not going to do it on this site, because I seriously doubt anyone cares what I eat or how much.

3. Create monthly goals and report on whether I meet them. I've abandoned the monthly reports, mostly because it was a little depressing to see how much I failed to meet the goal most months. However, I did better when I had short-term goals, even when I didn't meet them. I think it was mostly that the periodical review allowed me to assess where I was and have a fresh start every 4 weeks. I recognized the ruts before I got totally stuck in them.

That's basically it. I've already started well on the first two, and this month's goals will come in my next post.

So, how many new beginnings does this make? Three? Nine? Too many? I guess it doesn't matter, as long as I keep trying.

re-re-re-recommit

There should probably be more re's than that, with as many times as I've said I'm jumping back on the wagon or really getting serious or whatever. But it doesn't matter how many times I've recommitted in the past nearly-two years...as long as I keep doing it.

Here's the new and improved plan:

1. Modified* WW Core plan, and eat every couple hours. Over time, I've noticed that my biggest food problem is boredom eating. Food isn't really about comfort for me (that's what shopping is for, but that's a whole 'nother post)...I don't run to the fridge after a bad day, or drown my sorrows in Haagen Daz. I eat because it's something to do, something to occupy my hands and mind. Eating every 2-3 hours should keep boredom at bay, since I can usually find something to entertain/busy myself for that long. It also keeps me from getting too hungry between meals--another major overeating trigger.

2. Plan meals. Oh, how I hate to say this one. How it pains me. I hate planning. Well, I take that back...I don't hate planning. I hate following through on planning. I love to make lists and write menus and document things. I just hate actually doing those things on the list. However, nothing derails me faster than having 11:30 roll around without knowing exactly what I'm going to be eating for lunch. Ditto for 5:30 and dinner. I also need to start spending a whole lot less money eating out (see previous post), so part of this planning needs to be planning to take Core-friendly leftovers to work.

3. 2L water. I've brought this down to 2 liters per day, because there's some weird stuff happening with my mouth right now. I can't say definitively what caused it, but the right side of my mouth splits almost constantly now...even on days when I drink nearly a gallon of water. So my theory is that I'm drinking too much water. I'm probably totally wrong, but buying two cases of water per week is killing me too. It's easier (and less guilt-ridden) to pilfer 4 bottles from the company fridge in a day than six.

4. Move that ass. Cardio, 5 times a week. Seriously. Even when I don't want to. Which is often.

5. Strength training. I know I need it, and I know I hate to do it. It's haaaaard. So twice a week...baby steps and all that.

Can I do it?! Yes I can!

(It's a shame Noah was too old by the time Bob the Builder came out. I had to settle for Big Comfy Couch...which wasn't a bad show either, as I recall. At least he was also too old for Teletubbies. *shudder*)

*My plan is sort of the love child of WW Core Plan and South Beach. My core foods include the 1% milk and low-fat cheese from the South Beach list, and do not include potatoes. Because, hi? I can totally abuse potatoes. In fact, anything on the core list that's limited to one serving per day is not on my core list.

Accountability, A-count-a-BIL-ity...

(sung to the tune of the "Electricity" song from Schoolhouse Rock. No, it's not the same number of syllables. No, I don't care. It's still cantabilous.)

So, I've been slacking with the weight loss regimen lately, with my motivation meter stuck on "who gives a crap". To keep this setting from becoming permanent, I've decided to participate in the Bahama Mama challenge.

(click for Donut forum thread)

Joelle's goals/challenges are pretty much the same as mine, only I'm not going on a cruise in January. However, I do have a company Christmas party in December at which I'd like to be a size 12 or smaller, and a 31st birthday (and 2nd anniversary of this blog) in January for which it would be so nice to be down at least a couple dozen pounds. And I know if I stick to the plan consistently, that's precisely what will happen. So, starting Monday, I am shooting for the following 5 things every week:

1. In the name of all that is sweet and holy, follow WW flexpoints. Not just acknowledge it, not use it as a guideline, not nod at it from the McDonald's drive thru, not even almost follow it. Follow the plan. I have 24 points per day that I get to have for free (In 1 1/2 more pounds, that goes to 22), and 35 flexpoints. My goal is to eat only those points, and completely deny the existence of activity points. There's no longer any such thing as activity points in Joy world.

2. Cardio 5 days per week. This one is lifted directly from the original challenge. It's going to be a combination of running, walking, precor-ing, biking, and possibly swimming (but I doubt it), at least 30 minutes each time.

3. Strength training 3 times per week. Again, same as the original. Except that two of those instances are going to be the sculpting classes at work. They don't really increase strength a lot, but since my objective is to be toned v. to be strong, I think they fit. The other strength day I'll probably do a modified version of the Fat-Burning workout (remember that? Did it last year for a while). I've got the bench and the weights, might as well have at it.

4. Water. Through trial and error, I've discovered that my body likes 6 bottles/day (3L). If I don't drink enough, my lips crack and my skin breaks out...it's not pretty. And yet, I haven't been drinking that much consistently. During this challenge, I'm going to try to give it what it wants.

5. Vitamins and other medications. I will take these every day. With the new prescriptions, that means 4-5 pills per day, depending on what time of the month it is--multivitamin, vitamin C (I bruise easily, and have been told this will help), 2 glucophage (one morning, one night), Provera (for 2 more days), and Clomid (for 5 days, starting in about a week).

And that's it--just five things. How hard can it be to do 5 things consistently? Well, if you judge from my history, pretty damned hard. :)

But whatever--challenge starts Monday. Woo!

changes

So, yeah. As of this morning, I'm back over 180. This is the opposite of good. I needs me a new plan, so here are my goals for the rest of the summer (subject to change without notice):

1. 3L of water every day, even on weekends.

2. Diet logs. They're a boring pain in the ass, but I need the accountability. Even if no one reads them, if I have to type here afterward that I ate a chocolate paradise pie, I am less likely to actually eat one.

3. Exercise 6-7 times per week (m=minutes):
Saturday - Champions Fit (CF) walk/run, 1-2 hr. bike ride
Sunday - off
Monday - 30m walk/run or precor, 20m stationary bike,
10m swim
Tuesday - sculpting class, CF training walk/run
Wednesday - 30m precor, 20m bike, abs
Thursday - sculpting class
Friday - CF training walk/run, maybe swim

4. Banish the scale. I have decided to weigh monthly instead of weekly. WW Online is going to gripe at me about it, I'm sure, but the scale is killing me softly (with its song....). I am going to put it up in the closet, and I'm not going to take it down till August. I'll do measurements at the same time, and thus (try to) keep what little sanity I have left.

5. Take vitamins. This should have been up with the food & water goals, but I forgot about it until just now and don't feel like renumbering everything.

I'll re-evaluate this in August, taking into account the changes I see on the scale and tape measure. I'll also need to take into account the event schedule--two 40-50 mile bike rides in September and November, and I'd like to find a 5k somewhere in the fall also (I think Champions Fit has a non-competitive one as part of the training).

Like I've said before, I want 45 lbs gone by this time next year, even if it kills me.

Summer 2004: Back to the Beach

That title looks like it should be on either a slasher flick or soft core p0rn. :)

Anyway, I've decided to go back to South Beach phase 1 for a couple weeks. I know I won't keep this eating plan long-term, but I need something to break me out of this "lose 1-gain 3" pattern I've been in lately. I think shedding some carb bloat will be good for my ego.

I'm so frustrated with how my body has been behaving lately. I had been eating pretty clean, and I've worked out more in the last two weeks than I have in the previous 2 months, probably, and yet my weight ended up dead even--lost 1.5 lbs last week, gained it back this week. I rebelled a little this weekend after the gain...almost no water, every type of junk food imaginable. It'll take me most of this week just to detox.

I think part of it is hormones. I've been off the pill for either 4 or 5 months, and have had two or three TOMs since then, 6-7 weeks apart. Right now, I'm at 8 weeks and counting. The pregnancy test was negative, so this probably means that my body has gone irregular again. Which means that I have to go back on the pill, which means I have to go to the doctor. I should have done that back in April, actually, but I like to put things off until they absolutely cannot be avoided (Exhibit A: My car troubles). Plus, there was that whole wedding thing in April.

So anyway, my current plan is to continue working out 5-6 days per week, and eating in a South Beach-ish way. If nothing else, I'll lose some water weight.

thanksgiving game plan

If there's one thing I can say about this thanksgiving, it's that I will not overdo it on the turkey.

Because we're having beef. (rimshot!)

Since there's just going to be the four of us, and no one is really dying for turkey, Rob is making a roast. I like this idea, because roasts are generally smaller than turkeys, and less likely to be eaten in sandwiches for the next 3 weeks.

We've been planning the menu over IM today. Roast with carrots and potatoes, some kind of green salad, sweet potato casserole (which is so sweet that it practically qualifies as a dessert...something like 2 cups of sugar in it), veggie tray, pumpkin and pecan pies. Maybe some kind of green veggie besides the salad, but I haven't quite worked that out yet. In the end, it's probably going to come down to what looks good to me when I go to the grocery store this afternoon (I know, I know...madness). I contemplated making the WW parmesan potatoes, but then decided against it. There will already be potatoes cooked with the roast...no need to add more starch.

My plan for the meal is modest portions of everything. I'm not a huge fan of pumpkin pie, so I'll probably leave that for Noah. I may leave the pecan alone too, and just make the sweet potatoes my dessert. Hopefully, there won't be much in the way of leftovers, so I won't be tempted to graze throughout the weekend. I do want to lose 2 lbs. this week, after all.

So to all who celebrate it, happy Thanksgiving!

um, never mind

note to self: do not write while tired. Especially not deliriously tired after a BNL concert that we drove downtown through flood waters to get to. And especially not after eating a Whataburger value meal at midnight. I wasn't even drinking last night, and I look back on that midnight entry and say, "what the fuck?"

Now, don't get me wrong. I still meant it this morning. My brain's a funny thing, though. I expect everyone is like this to some degree, some more than others. But I've noticed that almost the very second I tell myself that I'm not going to do something, I want to do it. The minute I announce that I have lost my motivation, it comes back. The moment I say I'm going on hiatus, I'm flooded with dozens of ideas to write about. The minute I say that I don't want to move into Rob's house after the wedding, I start to waffle on the idea. But that's another matter entirely, one that I need to give considerably more thought (and prayer) before I throw plans into motion. And since it has nothing to do with weight loss, we'll just leave that alone for right now.

Aaaanyway. I'm doing a little experiment right now with the weight loss thing. I'm not going to keep a food/exercise journal for a while. Mostly, this is because planning my meals and calculating the points on everything has made me obsess about food. All I think about lately is what I'm going to eat next, what I'm going to pick up at the grocery store, whether or not I should buy food for the rest of the week, how many points are in a snickers bar, and how much exercise I would have to do if I wanted to eat one. I'm thinking about eating ALL THE TIME, and if anyone can tell me that's healthy, I don't want to hear it. I've got enough to keep track of without obsessing over food.

I also had some serious issues last week. It may have been a little touch of the flu, it may have been hormones, it may have been lack of sleep...but I was getting dizzy when standing up, I had no energy, and I was emotionally down. I was doing all the things that I thought I should be doing...taking vitamins, drinking lots of water, bringing my lunch to work, working out during my lunch hour, planning my dinners. And I was fucking miserable.

Sometime Friday afternoon, as I was packing to go on the church field trip (which went amazingly well--8 adults and 32 kids aged 5-11 went, there were no injuries, and everyone slept through the night...an absolute miracle), I just waved the white flag on the diet. I wasn't going to have time to eat before the trip, and the only thing on the menu that night was going to be pizza. The morning was donuts. I assessed the situation, and just decided that I'd eat. I wasn't going to go crazy and eat a whole pizza or anything...but I wasn't going to have less than I wanted. And most importantly, I was not going to worry about it.

I went on this trip, I had two pieces of pizza, a mini donut, half an orange and three bottles of water. I didn't count points from Friday night through yesterday, and I'm pretty sure I was over every day but Sunday. But you know what? I've started to feel better. My weight has remained constant. My mood was still gloomy, but I think a lot of that was pent-up hostility that I've been hanging onto and building for a few months. Some of that was released yesterday, and my mood is downright perky today.

So, I'm rambling a bit here...what was my point again? Oh yeah. No diet logs. No exercise logs. I'm going to eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm full, and eat what I feel like eating, not what is going to fall into my points scheme for the day. If I want chili, I'm going to make it. If I'm in the mood for candy, I'm going to eat candy. Now that it's not raining, I'm going to walk in the mornings a few times a week. I'm going to work out over lunch a couple times a week. Not because it's a necessary part of The Almighty Plan, but because I like that break in the middle of the day when I can be by myself and read a book while pumping away on the stationary bike.

My ultimate goal is to structure my fitness journey around my life, and not vice versa. We'll see how it goes.

enough

This weekend has been 3 days (From Friday evening) of gluttony and sloth. Tomorrow, everything's back on track. For real.

Also, eliminating the diet logs here has had an adverse effect on my progress, so they're coming back. I don't like the new system at all, and since I'm making the rules...

copycat

Rob's last post has got me itchin' to set some longer-term goals. I haven't done it for a while, because there seems to be something in my psychological makeup that causes me to intentionally miss goals (no joke). I'm not sure what it is--a fear of being dependable? Or maybe, when you get right down to it, of having people depend on me? I don't know...I'm no psychologist. I just know from experience that the surest way for me to fail at something is to have someone counting on me to do it. Including myself. It makes no sense, and it makes goal-setting a bit of a challenge.

Now that I think about it, I don't want to set middle range, date-based goals for now. Instead, I'm going to try some ultra-short ones.

UPDATE: I'm crossing off the ones that I've met.

Tonight:
4-point or less dinner, no snacking afterward

Tomorrow:
walk during lunch while the weather's nice, eat a smoothie.

Through Friday:
Don't use more than 5 flexpoints, TOTAL.

All week:
If I must go to the vending machine in the afternoon, get pretzels instead of chocolate.

Avoid snacking after 8 pm.

Go to bed by 10 pm.

Drink 6-8 cups of water per day.

Eat no more than the target points (24) at least one day this week.

Wedding pictures

I've been thinking a lot about goals. I used to be this incredibly driven person. I could learn anything faster than anyone else. I could work longer. I always accomplished what I set out to. I grew up poor and didn't want to be forever. I dedicated most of my life to getting to a point where I was successful at a job. I was lonely a lot of the time, and that bothered me, but I had my goal. Then I got a job in a field I liked. I worked really hard, and I accomplished what I wanted to. Then I got lucky and found this wonderful woman that actually wants to marry me. I had worked so hard for so long, and finally I had everything I ever wanted.

For a while now I've been complacent.. Don't get me wrong. This isn't the reason I'm fat. In fact, it's totally outside of that, but it has affected me in other ways. I haven't taken any new certification exams in a long time. I don't study anymore. I'm late to work a lot. I do my job well for the most part, but I don't worry about doing anything special. I've just been coasting and it's got to stop. I figure the best way to do that is to set some concrete goals and go after them.

I want to look good in my wedding pictures. I don't want to be monstrously fat. I've decided I want to get down to 215 by the wedding. That will mean losing 1.6 lbs a week, and I think that's doable.

As of this morning, I weighed 256.5, so I need to lose 41.5 lbs by 04/03/04. Below I've listed some intermediate goals that I will have to reach to be on pace to make it to 215 by the wedding. As each of these dates arrive, I'll evaluate where I am to see if I'm on pace. If I'm behind, then I'll evaluate what I need to do to make the next goal. Hopefully, having this to look forward to and each of these steps along the way will help me get motivated again. At some point, I'm going to put together some life goals and probably make a similar post to this with those on my other blog. I don't know when that will be.

In the meantime, here are my goal weights at various dates on the way to my wedding date:
250 on Halloween.
243 on Thanksgiving.
242 on December 1.
235 on December 31, which is my birthday.
226 on Valentine's day.
222 on March 1st.
215 at the wedding.

And away we go.

enough

you know, I'm getting really tired of this up-and-down shit. So I'm going to do something completely off the wall...something totally unlike anything I've ever done before...

I'm going to follow the plan. Flexpoints, exactly as it was designed. I'm going to count my weekend. I am going to exercise 4 times this week (at least). I am going to drink all my water and eat all my vegetables. I am going to write everything down, even when I don't feel like it. I am going to stay away from the evil cookies. And I am, BY GOD, going to have a sub-190 weigh in next Wednesday if it kills me.

WW redux

I'm still not going to the meetings, but I've decided to try the WW e-Tools. I signed up for 3 months pre-paid, and so far I like it a lot. Journalling is super-easy, and there's no guesswork with the points calculations. I also like how it automatically tracks my water, dairy, and veggie requirements. It's hard for me to remember to pay attention to those things. And then there's the recipe search feature...I'm not sure how much I'll use it, but it's nice to have. It doesn't really thrill me to be spending $15/month on it, but it's better than the $44/month for meetings.

I think what I'll end up doing is calculating my points there, and documenting them over here in my regular diet and exercise journals. And who knows...maybe trying something new will get me to snap out of the funk I've been in lately.

Now, if only they had a loud, wailing siren when my points journal went over my range...

*siren sound* "DANGER! DANGER! Step AWAY from the refrigerator!" *clanging bells*

on being an athlete

I have a confession to make: I don't want to be an athlete.

It's something I've been thinking about for a while. I read a lot of fitness journals, and it seems like a lot of people, as they get smaller, start to set goals like "I want to run 10 miles a day" or "I want to be in a triathlon" or "I want to bench 220 lbs." or "I want to play tennis" or whatever. Those are all great ambitions, and I hope that everyone with an athletic goal achieves it. I've even thought about setting some of my own.

The more I thought about athletic goals, though, the less right they seemed for me. Even when I was thin, I wasn't an athlete. I've never wanted to be, either, except for the acceptance aspect (being one of the "cool" kids in HS). I'm woefully uncoordinated, don't really like to sweat, and don't have the discipline required to keep practicing a physical skill over and over again to perfection. Nothing about being an athlete is attractive to me, other than an athletic physique.

That said, I do have a couple short term athletic goals. I want to participate in a half-marathon--once. I want to do a couple long bike rides a year, because I've always liked that sort of thing. I want to learn to dance for my wedding. But that's really about it. I'm content being a walker, not a runner. I'm not going to seek out athletic activities after I get to goal. I'm not going to join any teams, learn any new sports, pick up a tae bo class. I'm changing my body, not my personality.

Nope, I don't want to be an athlete. Not a runner, not a cyclist, not a triathlete, nor any kind of team sport. I don't want to win the Presidential Physical Fitness award 12 years too late. I just want to look like I can, and know that I could if I wanted to.

I think I've figured it out...

Since my whining post about staying in the low 190s forever, I've dropped 3 lbs. How have I done this? By eating more.

I've been keeping my points between 27 and 35, and it seems to be working much better. I've commented on this trend before, but at the time I had attributed the loss at higher point values to other factors--BC pills, vitamins, etc. Now that it's happened again, though, I think there may be something to it. I'm willing to accept that the WW range (22-27) was just too low for my body to handle for extended periods of time. Considering how much I love to eat, I even embrace that notion gleefully.

At any rate, I'm going to keep my points intake between 28 and 35 every day, and stick with the exercise schedule I've been doing. I'd like to keep my adjusted daily average between 27 and 30. As long as I vary the intake enough that my body doesn't stagnate again, I think this will get me the results I want. If not, I'll just try something else.

climbing again

and so it starts. I'm beginning to think that my body's natural cycle is to be lightest on Wednesday of every week. My week has looked like this:

Sunday: 194.5
Monday: 194
Tuesday: 192.5
Wednesday: 191
Thursday: 191.5

I bet that by Saturday, I'll be back up to 193. It's still a 2 lb. loss, but I want to see the 180s sooo bad. It seems so close, and yet so far.

With the Champions Fit group walks on Saturdays, I'm not going to be able to go to the morning WW meetings anymore. This means Thursday evenings, or no meetings at all. I've decided that I'm going to go to the Thursday night meetings until I hit my WW 10% goal (188), then quit. I know the program, I already have all the materials, and I don't like the meetings. What's the point in paying the $11 a week?

Speaking of meetings, I haven't been able to shake the feeling that the leaders don't like me. They don't smile at me. They don't make jokes with me like they do with the other people in line. They don't ever remember my name. I don't understand this. I've been coming there for, gosh...14 weeks now? You'd think that they'd at least remember my name. But they all act like I'm bothering them, and I get a distinct "go away" vibe. Maybe it's all in my imagination, I don't know. At any rate, I don't think these women like me. All the more reason to go it on my own for a while.

I'm not really on my own, either. Rob is back on the fitness wagon, and he's doing pretty well. He wants to be at 200 by the wedding, which means that we both have about the same amount of weight to lose. We're both doing the Champions Fit thing, though he's running, not walking.

I've also got all of you for encouragement. All those who comment, those who lurk...you all help to keep my accountability. And those of you who keep your own fitness journals help to inspire me to stay on the right track. So to hell with the meetings! Who needs 'em?

life, love, and loss...in 38 weeks

this is going to be one of those frenetic posting days, I think. Mostly, I'm just avoiding work.

I think I've finally gotten myself out of vacation mode and back into work mode. It took a little longer than I would have liked, and my progress has showed it. I've been tempted to get all down about it, and sometimes it makes me mad that I haven't made any progress in 3 weeks. Then I think about it again, and realize that I've lost 25 lbs, nearly 15 inches, and 2 sizes. I'm about a thousand times happier with my body now than I was on my 29th birthday. My progress has stalled recently, but even if I stay at this weight for the rest of my life, I'm still better off than I was six months ago.

Not that I don't want to move on...I want to see goal just as badly as I did when I started. That said, I have revised the goal, because I adjusted all the other numbers for clothing and didn't change that one. Goal used to be 130 lbs, now it's 135. Since I can't really conceive what my body will look like at either of those goals, other than by looking at pictures from over 10 years ago, they're both just as good. What's five pounds among friends, eh?

I no longer care whether I see goal by my 30th birthday, either. I'd love to see it by my wedding date...which, by the way, is FINALLY SET. No turning back now, not that I'd want to. It's taken us over 7 years and a whole lot of joy and pain to get here--we're going to see it through.

There's 38 weeks between now and April 3rd. I'm not sure if I should be saying "only 38 weeks", or "a long 38 weeks". Depending on my mood, it seems to be both. With regard to this weight loss journey of mine, it's only 38 weeks. I have 60 pounds left to go, and my current weight loss trend is under a pound a week. In order to be at goal by April, I need to be losing at least 1.6 lbs/week (actually, 1.57). This means that I either need to revise my goal or my methods. I choose the methods.

So, hopefully, there'll be some sweeping changes around here. My new workout schedule is a major part of that, along with the abolition of an experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong--free weekends. I thought I could handle it, but I've failed miserably at keeping any concept of moderation going. I'm not good enough at keeping my weekdays under control to be able to balance. Free weekends will probably come back when I'm closer to goal, but right now consistency is going to be the best thing, I think.

I'm also getting stricter with the journalling. Lately, I've been skipping little snacks when I'm close to the top of my points range, telling myself that I'll record them with the next day's food. I never do, and I feel guilty, and it's this whole big thing. So now I journal everything I eat, no matter how little and insignificant it seems at the time, or how far away I am from the computer.

Water is going to have to become a priority. I haven't been drinking enough, know that I haven't. With my activity level going up so drastically these next few months, I know I have to up the intake. I need to find a way to make this easy. Mindless, even. I bought a camelbak water thing for all the walking, but that's not the only time I'm going to need to drink more. I so wish my office building had water coolers. We have free soft drinks, but that really doesn't help me in this respect.

Anyway, my goal has become 60 lbs. in 38 weeks. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

defining "pretty darn active"

I've spent my spare moments this morning transcribing the champions fit training schedule to my own calendar document, so that I could see where the rest of my workouts can fit in. I think I've come up with a workable schedule.

Champions fit has self-training Mon, Tues, Thurs and a group walk/run on Saturday morning. Here's my workout schedule, with my other stuff added in:

Sunday: WATP 1-mile every other week
Monday AM: CF Training
Monday PM: FBW Lower body
Tuesday: CF training
Wednesday: WATP 3-mile every other week
Thursday AM: CF training
Thursday PM: FBW Upper body
Friday: WATP 2-mile
Saturday: CF group training

This way, I have a break day every week on either Sunday or Wednesday. Even when the CF training gets most intense (October - December), I'm not working out more than 1 1/2 hours any day except Saturday.

So yeah...this is what I meant in that earlier post by "pretty darn active". Let's see if I can stick with it now.

south beach out

I've gotten through the first 4 chapters of the south beach diet, and I don't think I'm ready to try it anytime soon. Most of what I've read is just marketing so far, but I'm just not getting a good feeling about this. It may be something that I try later on...say September or October, if things don't start picking up on the weight watchers path. I'll hang onto the book till then. (Man, I flip-flop a lot.)

I think that right now, the biggest thing to concentrate on is renewing my focus. When I started WW, I really wanted to stick to the plan...now, I've let myself get more lax about it, and I think that's hurting my motivation as well as my progress. I'm not very driven by nature, so things can get to "slippery slope" status in a hurry.

Here are the ways I'm planning to get my focus back:

Staying for the WW meetings instead of just ducking out after the weigh-in. The meetings suck, but I can't help but notice that I was more motivated when I was going to the meetings than I am now. I'm never going to be one of those point-obsessed folks, and I hope I never find myself uttering the phrase, "and the best part is, it's only x points!!" like this is the most exciting revelation ever. I will never eat rice cakes, or go shopping for wow chips. That's just wrong, man. (For me--no offense to those who enjoy those things.)

Stay strictly within my points range. I'm not going to beat myself up over little failures, but I'm also not going to shrug them off. How can I expect to get the results I want from the plan if I don't stick to the damn plan? So yeah--22 to 27 points. Period. Exercise is just gravy. (Mmm...gravy.)

Plan meals ahead of time. I have real problems doing this, but I can't stick to the plan if I don't. I need to be eating at home more, and/or bringing food to work for lunch.

Weight training goes back into the regimen, even if I have to make Noah nag me about it. Also walking or biking every weekday morning, unless it's raining or really insufferably hot.

Yep, that's the new new plan. South Beach is out until I grow some willpower and/or genuine desire to do it. Right now, it's looking like more of a pain in the ass than it's worth.