this just in: I totally SUCK

Instead of doing the run-bike-run workout I planned for today, I did another run-bike brick. About halfway through the run, I came to the bitter realization that I am not at all ready for the duathlon on Sunday.

When I have to talk myself through 3-minute run intervals just to make it through a damned MILE, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to survive 2 2-mile runs. With only two days left till the event, the only way I could conceivably do it is to give up on the running. Walk 2 miles, bike 12, walk 2. Risk the ridicule of spectators, all the while feeling like I let myself down. Which I did, whether I actually choose to do the race or not.

I planned to be in so much better shape by now, you know? I signed up for this thing 5 months ago thinking, "Five months, man, I can totally lose 25 pounds, get up to 20 mph on the bike, work up to 5 mile runs...I'll be a MACHINE!"

Now, here I am, 5 months later, 2 lbs heavier, topping out at 18 mph averages (at least I improved something), and unable to run for 5 minutes straight without gasping for air and hating every second of it. So much for THAT.

And now I don't know what I'm going to do. If I were doing this by myself, I'd just skip the event entirely. Wave goodbye to the entry fee, beat myself up a bit about how out of shape I am, and shoot for next year. Unfortunately or not, depending on how you look at it, I made plans to carpool with another girl from my club ride. She's faster than me so we wouldn't be doing the race together anyway, but she was happy that there would be someone else she knows doing the race. I hate to let her down. On the other hand, I hate to have her waiting at the finish line for a half-hour waiting for my sorry ass so that she can go home. I don't know.

The bottom line is, five months ago I signed up for more event than I could handle. Training did not go as planned (injury, vacation, etc.), and now I cannot possibly be ready to do this race to my own satisfaction. Do I race anyway, trying to content myself with simply finishing even though everyone else will likely have gone home by the time I cross the finish line? Or do I call my carpool buddy and just tell her I'm not ready? "Sorry, I'm a dumbass, good luck, maybe next year?"

What would you do?

Oh, and by the way, the Wisconsin trip was very nice. The flights were a nightmare and it rained all weekend, but it was great to see everyone and the wedding was lovely.