Joe lies...Joe LIES, when he cries...*

Noah's going to be a brother!

Unfortunately, not on this side of the family. His Wisconsin father's (let's call him...Joe) wife is pregnant. He called me about it this morning. They've been married for 10 years, and trying to conceive for about as long as we have (probably longer), so I want to be totally happy for them.

But, you know.

Other than the obvious (and very well-tread 'round here) trying-to-conceive jealousy, I haven't quite sorted out what my emotions are on it, really. I mean, I never really dated the guy, in the official sense. We were both in college at the time, and what we had was more of a hook-up than a relationship. He'd stop by every few weeks, we'd talk a little bit, things happened. This was what I thought I needed when I was 19--I had just come out of the same sucky relationship twice, and I was in a sort of "down with love" place emotionally. I thought a casual hook-up was just what I needed--no strings attached, right? And it did work okay for about 3 months, and then whoops! Baby drama. Lots of it, complete with yelling and denials worthy of a bad soap opera. Noah was two months old before Joe even acknowledged paternity, and that was after his mom found the child support papers hidden under his bed.

In the intervening years, our relationship has moved on to a more friendly place. Once he accepted that he was a father, he settled into a routine of occasional visits and the minimum child support required by law. Then I graduated, moved to Texas, and we maintained a sort of uneasy acquaintance until the first time Robert and I were going to get married. Without getting into too many details, his refusal to give up parental rights so that Rob could adopt Noah, and my reaction to his refusal, caused the end of the first engagement and the start a really bad (but mercifully short) episode in my life. It turned out for the best, and Rob and I got engaged again 2 years later, but there are still some hard feelings over the fatherhood issue. I don't talk to Joe much anymore, but he calls Noah every once in a while, sends presents on his birthday, and sees him every time we come to WI. Noah calls both Rob and him "Dad", depending on whom he's talking to at the time. It's not the ideal situation, but it's what we've got at the moment.

I really am happy for them. I am. But it's hard for me to keep from being just a little bit resentful. My pregnancy experience with Joe was fraught with drama and pain. Hers, I think, will be very different. As well it should be...they're a good match, since she's level-headed and responsible enough for both of them. I certainly never wanted to marry the guy, and she's stuck with him far longer than I thought she would. I guess they really do love each other, and hey--babies rule! It seems like Joe's growing up, finally, and maybe having a full-time kid will make him better with his part-time kid. Or maybe his full-time kid will make it easier for him to release his part-time kid to be adopted by his full-time dad. We'll just have to wait and see, I guess.

*Yet another Say Anything reference.