all's quiet on the western front...

...and mostly for the reasons you think.

I have some emotional shit going on right now. Part of it is that it's TOM week, and that TOM actually arrived, which means that the conception clock is once again set to zero. Since we've just passed every possible due date I could have had with the Elephant, it's also related to that.

It sounds stupid and illogical, but I was so hoping that we would be able to conceive again before the end of the ill-fated pregnancy term. It wouldn't really be a replacement for the one we lost, but at least it could seem like that baby died to make way for the next one. I'm sure that would have generated a whole new batch of Issues, but at least they would be new . I've been dealing with this same bitter crap sneaking up on me for 8 months, and it would be refreshing to have some sort of closure on it. Especially since I'm sure everyone here (all 3 of you! Hah!) is sick to death of hearing about it. How long can she mope over one freaking miscarriage, right? It lasted 8 weeks, hardly even a pregnancy. Sigh.

So anyway, I'm starting to worry that my body chemistry's a little off, too. I'm gaining weight, energy's low, probably a bit depressed. I've still been working out almost every day, and raked in somewhere around 40 activity points this week. My food point averages were in the low 40s (1800-2200 calories), which is not at all where it should be if I'm really on-plan. Still, I'd hoped all the activity would balance it out, and it hasn't. I'm up 1.5, as of this morning.

Something must be done, I'm just not sure which direction to go with it. The obvious first step is to cut back the calories, and that's the first thing on my list. Beyond that, though, I've been torn between going low-carb for a little while, adding weight training, seeing a doctor, doing 1000-1200 calories for 28 days again...or hell, maybe all those things. I also considered personal training. The gym has a Biggest Loser promotion going on right now, so I'm considering that, too. The one thing I DON'T need to do is sit around considering for weeks on end. Lord knows, considering has never taken an ounce off my ass.

So, here's what I'm going to do:

1. Quit eating so damned much. Under 35 points, every day. That's still 9 points above my officially sanctioned WW target, but we're talking baby steps here.
2. Try to stay away from white food. Not exactly low-carb, but a step in that direction--no pasta, no rice, no potatoes. White flour and sugar kept to a minimum. Low-fat milk is okay, but whipped cream is not.
3. Five fruit/veggie servings a day. I don't have anything against fruit and vegetables...I like them. (Well, a lot of them...not crazy about squash or grapefruit) I'm just more likely to go for a fast starch than a high-maintenance vegetable. I generally average about 2-3 servings a day, so I'm only a couple apples (or bananas, or cups of broccoli) away from this goal.
4. Bike commute once a week. This is getting harder to do, since days are getting shorter and the weather has been a little bit crappy. Tomorrow's supposed to be nice, though, so I think that's going to be my day for this week.
5. Go talk to someone at the gym about that Biggest Loser thing. It's a good deal. It can't hurt. I just need to figure out how to fit it into my schedule for the next 6 weeks.
6. Work out every day. This one's easy. If I walk the track during lunch, bike commute one day, have a PT session another day, and club rides on Saturday and Sunday, it's covered. (Though if you had told me 4 years ago that this would be the easy part, I would have laughed myself silly)
7. Don't sabotage myself. I have a tendency to make things harder for myself, or to do something totally stupid as soon as I start to see results. I'm going to try to not do that.
8. Have patience, live in the present. With the weight loss, with the trying-to-conceive, with everything else. This too shall pass, and all that shit. I've spent so much time wishing I was further along, or somewhere else, or back where I was a year ago, that I don't spend enough time doing the things that will get me there.

So, that's pretty much it. All but the last two are measurable, so I intend to put up progress reports on the same day as my weigh-ins. Since the first one of those is tomorrow, I won't really have much to report this week. I'll think of something, though.

Posted by Joy at October 11, 2006 04:03 PM