...things are not going well.
My points average is around 30, and I've worked out all of twice this week. My period's a week late, and I can't decide whether to be hopeful or annoyed. I've been regular for the past 4 months, but that's not the norm. It could be PCOS rearing its ugly head again, which means more frustration. I mean, of the dozens of times I've thought I was pregnant, I've only been right twice. All of those other times, it's just been irregularity brought on by either PCOS or weight gain. Or both! I can't even get a definitive test result for another week or so, so I feel like being hopeful is just setting myself up for crushing disappointment. However, that doesn't keep me from obsessively monitoring the size of my boobs. (Which, along with every other part of me in recent weeks, have gotten bigger.)
I feel like I'm in a holding pattern right now, and I don't like it. I want to revamp everything, but I don't feel like I can make any long-term commitments to anything weight-lossy until I know. I also hate that I go through this every damn time I'm more than a few days late. It's like hearing hooves and looking for zebras. Odds are, it's just a fucking horse, you know?
So, yeah. I know there are still things I can do without a long-term plan, and I'm trying to do them. Eat healthier. Exercise more (without getting overheated, because that might be bad!). Still, between being preoccupied with the lateness, the home improvements we've been doing, and the usual work-a-day stress, I'm just having trouble finding my motivation for this thing. I know this is not some new revelation, that I say it about every few months. And I hate that, too. I know this isn't supposed to be easy, but you'd think by now it would have gotten easier.
Well, this concludes the whining portion of our program. :) I'll be back tomorrow with some music, and maybe a better outlook.
Posted by Joy at August 24, 2006 05:05 PM