Why I won't be downloading 3rd Degree

Between downloaded episodes of This American Life, I've been listening to James Patterson's Women's Murder Club series of books in the car on my commute. Now that I've finished books 1 & 2, I have some comments.

Warning: May contain spoilers, but I'll be as vague as I can. (I doubt you're gonna want to run right out and read the books after this, anyway.)

First, a comment specific to the audio:

The reader for book one wasn't great, but tolerable. The reader for book 2 was AWFUL. She used the same voice for every woman, and interpretation of men's voices made me want to throw things. My opinion on voices is simple: do them only if you can do them consistently and convincingly. This chick could do neither, and should really get out of the audiobook business. Jeremy Piven did do a good job with the killer POV chapters, though. Good enough for me to keep going all 8 hours, even though I knew how it would turn out by hour 6.

Now, about the books. I really wanted to like them, because I like the Alex Cross novels and this is a shorter series. Sadly, they're pretty much crap. Here are my thoughts:

1. Man, Patterson sure does like that "this is definitely the killer--oh, wait! No it's not!" plot device.

2. Enough with the "rah-rah, women rule, us girls gotta stick together" crap. Please. I get it. This is exactly why I didn't read that Ya-ya sisterhood book.

3. Could have done without the miscarriage. It served no real purpose...why have her pregnant at all? Character development? Bonding among "the girls"? Whatever. And way to go with implying that she lost the baby because she worked too much. Bravo, Jim.

4. I have a hard time seeing how Lindsay Boxer is that great of a detective. She's reckless, territorial, leaks to the press, and has been sure of the wrong guy in BOTH books. Sure, she got the right guy in the end, but Cindy the reporter is a better detective than her, if you ask me. Make her a cop!

5. Book 2 was painfully predictable. There were maybe 2 things I didn't see coming a mile away, and only because I didn't really give a shit about that particular subplot.

6. For instance...I've never been to Stanford and I'm no homicide detective, but even without the chapters devoted to the killer's POV I could have guessed the sniper would be in the tower. When they all were surprised that there was shooting on the quad, I actually rolled my eyes. I would think that any homicide detective worth his (or her) badge would know that if you're searching for a sharpshooting murderer on a college campus with a BIG-ASS TOWER, maybe you should post some guards around that bad boy, first thing. Yeesh...Charles Whitman, anyone?

So yeah. I don't think I'll be listening to book 3. Maybe I'll start listening to the Stephanie Plum novels instead...I've been reading a combo edition of the first 3 books, and I'm really starting to like that girl. :)