I've been trying to write this for days

Okay, here's the thing.

In the beginning, this was a weight-loss blog. I did well with it the first couple years, lost over 40 lbs at one point, and was just a pound or two away from my lowest weight since before Noah was born. Then Christmas happened. Then the Elephant happened. Then something else, and something else, and before I knew it, I was up 25 lbs and holding.

I've had several fits and starts since March, trying to get my groove back. Since I haven't had much success, I found it difficult to come up with ways to talk about it here without sounding like a 24/7 failure-fest. So I just didn't talk about it at all, choosing instead to talk about vacations, or bikes, or music. The less I talked about my weight here, the less weight I lost, and the less I did about it. Occasional half-hearted efforts were the best I could muster, and they were usually cancelled out immediately by some spectacular weekend indulgence.

In the past few weeks, I've started pulling my life back together. The junk removal was part of that...it's been a major source of frustration for years, and I feel a lot calmer overall now that I'm not tripping over things that we don't need. I've also started back on a couple long-delayed home improvement projects. I finally got around to mounting curtain rods in the dining room and putting up drapes. With last quarter's fitness incentive certificate, I bought a deck chair for reading in the back yard. I'm shopping paint colors for the kitchen and living room. These seem like little things, but they're pretty big. I've lived for over two years in a house that hasn't seemed like my own. It's not that I wasn't comfortable...there was just no place in the house that felt right. It was a place cluttered with pending projects and white TV noise, with no room where I could really relax. I'm finally taking steps to change that, a couple little things at a time.

I've also been working on establishing a daily routine, which has always been helpful for me in sticking with any plan. Way down beyond the surface chaos, I'm a creature of habit. I like doing the same things at the same times, having everything in its place, knowing what's going to happen next. With a routine in place, sticking to a diet is easier.

And we're trying to conceive again. I waffled on whether or not I was really ready. On the one hand, I wanted to conceive again as quickly as possible, so that I could give myself a reason, however weak, that the earlier pregnancy failed. On the other, what if I miscarried again? I don't know how women survive through more than one, and I don't want to know. I do know that if we manage to conceive again, I'm going to be a wreck until around week 20. So, yeah. I need to make an appointment with my doctor, see what the best way to make this happen. I'd rather not get to the point of ovulation testing and charting and whatnot, but I'd also rather not wait another year. My cycles have been normal, at least, even with the weight gain. We'll see what happens, I guess, take it one month at a time.

With all of these things falling gradually into place, I think it's time to get back to concentrating on weight loss. None of my pants fit except a couple pairs of my "fat pants"...I tried putting on a pair of jeans the other day which used to be loose, and I couldn't button them without sucking in. It's time to stop fucking around here. Buying bigger pants is not an option.

Here is the plan:

Food

1. Three meals, two snacks. Also, vending machines will be avoided, and breakfast cannot come from Starbucks. I also plan to limit my latte consumption to twice a week. This will have the added bonus of making it more likely that I'll get to work on time.

2. 1400-1700 calories, though I'll only be counting for the first couple weeks. After that, it's all about portion sizing and food group choices. I'm still planning to follow the Portion Teller plan...beyond buying smaller dishes and eyeballing portion sizes for cereal, I haven't gotten very far with it yet. Lazy, lazy, lazy.

3. Only one lunch out per workweek. The rest of the time, it's salad or a Lean Cuisine. Or both, if the salad is all veggies.

4. No eating after 8 pm. Much like nothing good happens at high school parties after midnight, very seldom does anything healthy go into my mouth in the evenings.

5. Take a multivitamin every day. This is more about the TTC than the diet (Dr. recommended 400mcg folic acid, and why not get the rest while I'm at it?), though it helps both.

Exercise

1. Exercise every day. While I don't think exercising every single day is an absolute must for weight loss, I have to do it this way. Procrastinator + Underachiever = "I've still got time to get 5 workouts in this week...I'll do it tomorrow."

2. Bike-commute to work at least twice per week, weather permitting. This is an easy way to guarantee 90 minutes of exercise in a day. Like with the Starbucks thing, I've also found that it gets me to work on time more often.

3. Ride to the start of the Saturday club ride at least once a month. Adds at least 20 miles to my total distance, AND frees up a parking space at the Y for someone else.

4. Strength & flexibility workouts. I've been neglecting these things, because I sort of hate them. I don't know exactly how I'll work them in, but I'm sure I'll detail that later. Rob and I had talked about trying a yoga class together, so maybe that's part of the answer.

5. Get my work fitness incentives for Q3 and Q4. Mama needs some more deck chairs.

Goals

1. Lose an average of 1 lb. per week through the end of the year. That's 23 lbs (24 if I count the week that ends January 5th), which would bring me down below 175 again. Though honestly? With the way I've been clinging to 195-196 lately, I'll be happy just to finally get out of the 190s.

2. Fit back into my size 14s by the end of the year. #1 begets #2.

3. Get the odometer on my bike up to 4000 miles by the end of the year. Right now, I'm at 2150ish (happy birthday, Amelia! Didn't quite make 2200 in her first year, but I got close). If I put 44 commuting miles and 20 club ride miles on per week, I'll be nearly there. Throw in a few extra miles on Saturdays and a couple long charity rides, and 4000 is totally within reach.

4. Ride a damn century at the Space Race next year. The course is super flat, and it's in the spring, so weather shouldn't be an issue this time. Plus, I promise not to be a dumbass who slacks on the training till the last minute.

5. Have a baby. Not by the end of the year, obviously. Any time after April 2007 would be nice. Of course, achieving this goal might prevent me from pursuing the others, but that's totally fine with me. :)

Tomorrow is Day 1. Again.

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And on a side note...how AWESOME was stage 17?! I think Landis may be my new favorite cyclist (sorry, George.) I mean, seriously--how does he walk around...?

Hi Joy!

Two suggestions for this new fitness era:

1) Really make weight training a priority. Yoga is great (especially for cyclists - we tend to get tight hips) but nothing burns calories like increased muscle mass. I know you've likely heard this a gabillion times, but it is *seriously* difficult to change your body without weight training. And it is also very time efficient.

2) Have you thought about purchasing a Camelback? I always ride with one, and they hold up to 64 oz. of water, which makes it totally easy to stay hyrdated without having to reach for a bottle. It seems like you are fond of buying gear, so I thought I'd mention it.

cheers!

K

"It seems like you are fond of buying gear..."

Heh. Truer words were never spoken. :)

I have considered Camelbaks, and I think we still have one or two tucked away somewhere in the house--I'll have to ask Rob. The reason I've been sticking to bottles is that the few times I've tried the camelbacks they've had a rubbery taste to them, and I didn't like carrying something on my back.

I've thought about them again recently because I discovered that I really don't mind carrying my messenger bag on commutes as much as I thought I would. It rides lower than a Camelbak would, though, so I may still have objections to those. The Camelbak water bottle that I linked in the century post was sort of a step in the hydration pack direction--I wanted to see if it was the bite valve or the bladder that gave the water the rubbery taste (answer: combination of both, but mostly bladder. After a couple uses, the bottles are fine).

RE: Strength training...yeah, I know I should. And I know that once I start on a weight-training routine I'll be fine with it again. It's never been my favorite thing anyway, but the thought of doing it now, when I haven't done anything in that vein for months, is dreadful. I know I'm not as strong/toned as I used to be, and relearning these things is never any fun. But you're totally right...it'll make a big difference.