okay, enough.

So, this weekend, I saw something that I haven't seen since 2003:

200 lbs.

200.5, to be exact. And we're talking first morning nude weigh-in here. How did this happen?!

I know that I have some hormonal things going on, that I wasn't drinking enough water, and that there was some movie theater popcorn, and that my eating overall hasn't been great lately, but damn. I can't have put on 20 lbs in 6 months, could I? And I wasn't I just bitching about 195 a couple weeks ago? What is happening to my body? It's out of control! I'm out of control!

I could feel it happening, though...my clothes were getting tighter, especially through the middle, and I was starting to become invisible again*. I knew that I was getting noticeably bigger, but I never dreamed that I would hit that fateful 200-in-the-morning ever again. Whatever its cause, that was a serious wake-up call.

It's time to get back in control. No more slacking on the calorie counting. Much less eating out. Much more water. I will not stay over 200 again. I. WILL. NOT.

*I've found that once I get over a certain size, strangers/acquaintances stop noticing me. It's not a dramatic change...just little things. I have a harder time getting a salesperson's attention, people stop making eye contact, greetings and smiles are not offered or go unreturned, interactions are less friendly/respectful overall. I know it's not just me, because I've heard/read about it from other bigger people too, particularly women. It could just be a vibe I put out when I'm bigger, that I'm insecure or whatever, that makes people less likely to be courteous or friendly. I'm not entirely sure of the root cause, I just know that it's been coming back as I've put on weight. It's funny, because it's not something I ever noticed before I started losing, because I never thought of myself as very approachable anyway. I certainly noticed it when it started happening again, though. You'd think that getting bigger would make someone more visible, not less.

I went from 159 the morning of my last marathon in December to thanking my lucky stars when I see anything under 172 in less than three months. I remember bitching about hitting 160, and yet would take 160 any day.

Total stress, for me. Job changes, etc. I can't imagine what kind of stress you're body has put you through. Hang in there.