where's that &*#$! tape measure??

At least twice today, I have looked at my body and been convinced that it's smaller than it was yesterday. I'm not sure that this actually means that I am smaller today than I was yesterday--my perception of my own body is pretty skewed. Hell, there were times when I was at my highest weight that I was convinced that I was totally hot. Almost every day back when I was at my (now) goal weight, I thought I should be fitted with "wide load" signs. I'm not very good at really seeing myself, is all I'm saying.

Anyway, the first time, I caught my reflection in the bathroom mirror and did the classic double-take. What happened to my ass? I mean, it was still there, but the...um...contour of it looked different to me. Almost...normal. And it may have been my imagination, but I think my stomach was a little flatter today, too. I am wearing black pants, though, so it could be that. That wouldn't explain the way the skin on my upper arms looked looser, though.

Another time, I was in the sculpting class with my foot propped up in the windowsill, doing hamstring stretches. My thighs looked narrower. I noticed them again when we were doing the ab exercises. Since gravity and those viewing angles are going to make the thighs look smaller than a simple straight-on view, I decided to dismiss it.

But.

I can't entirely dismiss it, because my pants are looser in the waist and thighs than I remember them. There's a hollow under my arms that I don't remember having before. My underwear is even fitting differently these days.

The thing is, I'm afraid to measure, because I suspect the numbers won't be all that impressive. After all, I'm still about 3 lbs heavier than the last time I took them, and I don't even have the tape measure I used anymore. I could go back to the gym and get a measurement, I suppose, since I still have the copy of the last measurements they did, back when I had my free sessions with the personal trainer. But what if they're not any smaller, and the trainer looks at the sheet and says something like "You've only lost 2 inches in a YEAR?" Or worse, "You've gained pretty much everywhere, lady. Maybe you're just buying bigger clothes."

I know they won't say either of those things, but I'll probably hear them nonetheless. Until I work up the courage to scrounge up a tape measure, or maybe just until I break back into the 170s, I guess I'll just be content to surprise myself in the mirror every once in a while.

I say enjoy the self esteem boost! It all comes down to how you feel about yourself anyway :)

Ahhh Joy, I can TOTALLY relate. Sometimes I catch a glance of me when I walk past a mirror and wonder if I'm imagining my stomach has shrunk. All last week when I did my reverse crunchs, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me cuz my thighs looked smaller.

I'll know for sure on Sunday but part of me doesn't want to know. If it's no change then I'll feel like a fool.

That's one reason I'm grateful for my daily pudge pics. Somedays it's enough to validate me even w/o weighing or measuring.

I would say, however, the baggier clothing is a very good sign. Have you been taking pictures? Or have you tested trying on a smaller size?

ah, measurements! I know I've left messages in the past suggesting that you abandon the scale, but when it comes to measurements, I'm borderline obsessive. I think I prefer them because

1) they almost always confirm how I am feeling and

2) size is what people see. I mean, would it matter if I had the perfect body and it (for some freakish reason, ie. genetic defect causing bones to be ultra dense) weighed three hundred pounds? No, it wouldn't. Measurements are money, baby. Go for it.

I do love your pudge pics, Renee. It's fun to see the day-to-day differences. I'm not brave enough to don the bikini, though. :)

I tried on stuff at Ann Taylor Loft the other day, and the 14s did fit easier than I remember. But I haven't been there for a long while either. I can't fit into any of their pants yet, but I don't expect that I'll ever be able to. They tend to build their pants for a different body type than I'll ever have--even skinny, I had bigger legs and hips than they seem to think women should have. There was one skirt that looked pretty good in a 14, but I didn't buy it because it was too loose in the waist. :)

I haven't taken progress pictures since...a long, long time ago. Mid-last year, I think? When I did, I was about 185 lbs, so it might be worthwhile to take pictures now for comparison. If I'm significantly smaller in the new ones than the old ones, I'll know that there's more than just that 2 lb weight difference going on.

It's just hard to be hopeful and objective at the same time.

It's just hard to be hopeful and objective at the same time.

Truest words I've heard all week.

ha! I ain't that brave notice I'm headless in all shots ;) lol

How I publicly post those pictures when my own mother has NEVER seen me in a bikini is beyond me. ::shakes head::

Your version comparison shots are a great idea!