forever = 1 day

Okay, so maybe I was being a bit hasty, saying that I left the 190s forever. Due to the pretzel incident yesterday afternoon and other factors, I am back up to 190.5 today. At least I know it's not fat.

I feel like I've been awake for about a year. I got up at the ungodly hour of 4:30 am to do a work thing, and then I came home about 6 and biked for an hour. Then there was breakfast, and getting Noah dispatched to school, and shower, and the donning of the clothes. Then I went to work, showing up my customary 14 minutes late. It's 10:30 and I feel like I've already put in a full day.

I was thinking as I got dressed this morning about how my outlook has changed in the last 8 months. Or, more specifically, the last 36 1/2 weeks. Just by the numbers, I'm 29 lbs. lighter than I was then. That's a great thing on its own, but the side effects have been even better.

I am wearing clothes today that I never would have even considered buying back in January. I mean, the shirt is tucked in, fer pete's sake. I'm much more confident in my own skin than I was then. I'm more likely to speak up, more likely to try new things, more likely to take up for myself, and meeting new people is much less scary than it used to be. I also feel much more feminine (I actually considered wearing makeup and jewelry to work today), and I'm infinitely happier. I'm not really sure whether it's more the weight loss, the engagement, the new church, or the birth control pills. I suspect that it's a combination of all of those things. For the first time in a long time, I like who I am.

Even if I am two and a half pounds heavier today than I was yesterday.