I went shopping at Old Navy over my lunch hour, because I discovered this weekend that my closet is stocked entirely with clown pants. Not only that, but they're men's pants I bought over three years ago, and they don't say "hip, modern woman" so much as "ample-hipped woman eternally trapped in 1996".
So, just for kicks, I decided to shop on the women's side of the store today. For pants. It has been at least 3 years since I have been brave enough to do this. Shirts--yeah, fine. But pants are another matter. I've mentioned this before, but I am a pear. In about 5 inches of axis, I gain over a foot of circumference. This makes pants shopping a bit of a challenge. This is also aggravated by the fact that probably 75% of the weight I have lost has come off my upper body and thighs. My thighs are still huge, but they're smaller than they were (hence, clown pants).
Because of the shape of me, I have keywords that I keep an eye out for--"relaxed", "generous", "loose fit". The problem with these words is that they're not particularly flattering on the rest of my body. "Loose" hugs my hips and has room for my thighs, but leaves me with 5 extra inches of waist. The whole low-ride movement has been a blessing, except that I wear (*ahem* may be TMI) granny panties and I am forever trying to keep them from peeking out the back. I've thought about buying the custom pants from Land's End, but in the end it comes down to money. I'd rather spend $60 on three pairs of ill-fitting khakis than one pair of made-for-me chinos. This is the same reason I don't go to department stores and buy real clothes, like with designers and labels and stuff.
So anyway, back to Old Navy. I was in the market for work pants, and they had their trousers on sale. Woo! I grabbed some 16s and headed for the dressing room. On a whim, I also grabbed some "L"-sized shirts (as opposed to XL).
It was there that I realized that my hips and thighs are not yet a 16, except in the "relaxed" versions. My waist, however, is a 14 no matter what the cut. Which translates into my underwear hanging out the back of every pair of pants I tried on. Maybe if I was 17, or had any desire whatsoever to wear a thong, this would be fine. But since I am a 30-year-old suburban mom, I shopped for a belt. Old Navy is very tricky, too...they put their little "straight cut" or "relaxed fit" indications in small scripty print on the outer tags, so a couple times I accidentally tried on pants that showcased my every thigh ripple. Not a good self-esteem builder, let me tell you.
The good news, though, is that I did find a couple pairs of slacks that didn't make me look straight out of the trailer park, and all the shirts fit! That was a pleasant surprise, since I haven't worn a size large shirt since, oh, I don't know--sometime last century?
All things considered, it was a good trip. I have a couple more outfits to add to my work arsenal, even though I hope to grow (or shrink?) out of them quickly. And there's nothing quite like being surprised at how little your body has become. :)
Posted by Joy at September 15, 2003 04:21 PM