see-saw, teeter totter...

...back & forth, up and down. It's the story of my life. I'm back up to 191 today, after fluctuating between 190 and 193 for the past three days.

191 isn't bad, and I still may lose some more by tomorrow if I'm careful. I'm not upset about it because it's totally my own fault. Totally. I forgot to take the pills again. So my hormone levels are all messed up, my weight is yo-yoing, and I feel like crap all the time.

I don't know why this is so hard for me. I've had this problem every time I've tried to take BC pills. I can't remember to take them, and then I give up on them completely, only to not have a TOM for a couple years and go back on them again for 6 months until I get so frustrated with the forgetting that I quit again. Repeat until insane.

This whole weight loss thing makes it worse, though, because I actually care whether the scale is up or down a pound on any given day, and I can't indulge the freaky mood swings with tons of chocolate, either. So, if I'm going to have TOMs like a normal woman, AND lose weight, I need to stay on the pills. In order to stay on the pills, I have to remember to take the pills every day. I can't even remember where I parked the car this morning. Talk about your mission impossible.

So anyway, unless there's some kind of miracle between now and tomorrow morning, I'm not going to break 190 this month. Oh, well.