whiiiiiiine

I'm tired. I don't want to do this anymore. My house is a wreck, and I know that I'm going to spend most of the weekend cleaning. There's supposed to be a chance of rain tomorrow, so all this beautiful weather we've been having will be gone before I can really enjoy it. Hopefully I can get a bike ride or walk in tomorrow morning before the rain. Or maybe tonight.

It's not that I want to quit. It's just getting harder and harder to find my motivation lately. I mean, 10 1/2 weeks and I'm down only 12 lbs. I know that's over a pound a week, but damn. I have 70 more to lose, here. I wanted to be down below 200 by March. Now it doesn't look like I'm even going to be there by the end of March. I was so excited at the start, and I have made some progress. My legs are much smaller than they were, and my arms look better, even though I don't know how big they were when I started.

Still, I know that the slow pace is my own doing. I have food issues, and I'm lazy by nature. If I could just be consistent about making exercise part of my routine, this would be going faster. I know I'm not doing badly, but I also know I could be doing so much better. It's frustrating.

On the food thing, I'm tempted to go back to the strictness of those first few weeks. But then I think to myself..."then what happens when you go back to a regular diet?" I'm afraid the answer is that I balloon up to the 200s again, and I do not want to ever be back up here again (assuming that I ever get down to where I want to be).

Sigh. I knew when I started this that I would have to be in it for the long haul. After all, it took me 10 years to get up to 217 from 130. Naturally, it's going to take some time to get back down. And it's going to take consistency, and patience, and all those qualities that I struggle with in all aspects of my life.

Why's this gotta be so hard??